Being one with my Fire 

Hello, I'm Helix. You'll know me by Carnivore Helix on YouTube. 

I'm not done walking past my fire—the caustic fire that no longer burns my skin.
The fire I went through is what created my armor, but a different armor that carried me through the longest hunt.
A hunt for protection, for strength, for something no one can tear off my soul.

No, I didn’t just “find" armor. No one simply finds anything worth having.
You have to hunt for it—hunt for your peace, hunt for your grace, hunt even while the fire that once burned you still glows beneath your feet.

I forged my armor piece by piece while exploring that refined fire, the fire that now defines an unbreakable tone in my soul.
That is what carnivore has done for me.

Helix's basic info: 

I have been a carnivore for 3 years. Been single since 2019 (I'll tell that story later). I have a handsome young son named Wesley, he is 8 years old, he chooses to be a healthy eater on his own. I live with my mom. I have a camper out at my grandparents farm, that is where my son and I spend most of our summer. Been blogging since November on a different website. Been vlogging on YouTube since September. 

My very favorite carnivores are: Mikhaila Peterson and Courtney LUNA, there's many many others too.... but those two are the top. 

Helix's brief time line:

2016: Was dating Wesley's father, got pregnant in the 3rd month that we were together (on purpose). I asked him this: Do you want move/go to California or have a baby? I was so sure that he would choose California. I was almost joking about the baby part, then I was convinced. **Can't regret, I don't regret anything. Things happen like this for a reason.** 

2017: Had my son in August. Wesley had heart surgery at  7 days old. We had to spend 3 months in a children's hospital, hardly left the hospital. I had an over dose on Paxil months after we bought Wesley home from the hospital after he healed, Wesley's father and I broke up and went through court. Court deemed both parents unfit for Wesley. That lasted till he was one year old, I'm his main house hold. 

2018 - 2022 *I don't remember, I journaled very little during those years*, I was hiding cough syrup, left over painkillers and I even had Kratom (tried it, still had a whole bag by 2025 got rid of it), did weed here and there, was testing my limits on how much gabapentin I could ingest at once - usually at night. One night I took 800 mgs and I only slept 3 hours, that's how bad the pain was. I didn't want to lay in bed because it wasn't comfortable. I video gamed my finger prints away after my son would go to bed. When Wesley was awake I would make a comfy spot in his room or the living room and hold a car in my hand and fall asleep though out the day while he played. Barley had enough energy to wobble to the kitchen to heat his meal up, could hardly lift my toddler to his high chair. 

2022 - 2023: Met a toxic ex best friend, I let that bitch go several times. She's gone. The others I met through her I spoke to in a discord chat I would wait for loyally almost every night. I don't regret not even the ex best best friend or them. I can't cuz that was meant to happen as well as all the other stuff. I haven't spoke to them since April 2024 (I'm having a hard time remember what yr that was 2023 or 2024). I put myself in isolation mode in 2023 - December 2025. I got on the weed again and would go to MO, to get the edibles. Did shrooms too - no effect had 5 squares of the chocolate bar and just threw up. Yes, this was during a low point in my carnivore journey.

2023 - 2024: 

2023: Withdraws from Gabapentin, Abilify, Invega, painkillers, dollar store cough syrup, over the counter sleep meds. Gabapentin makes carnivore so hard, that medication makes cravings 10x's worse. Abilify made me cry all the time for no reason. Invega is a schizophrenia drug... yay.... got on that because I thought that'd be a good drug to try for a temporary time. Invega made my whole body think I was pregnant. I was so bloated and my breast were leaking every minute. I really hope that crap did nothing to my reproductive system. I still want more children. During this time, no friends, no outings, no care to get out and find friends ever. I was in therapy though and had a case worker. The picture of the lake, I was on Abilify. 

2024: I found a club house for struggling adults, that is still a good place to go and hang out for me. Makes me feel less fucked up, not that those people are more fucked up than... just makes me feel equal. There's good people there too.  My caseworker found the club house for me so I wouldn't isolate alone, I could isolate around people and then maybe talk to them. Which I do, I'm grateful for them. The picture with the green headphones I was on Invega. 

2025: Thank the lord for Barb. Barb is a carnivore who krochets. I spell krochet that way because it is in her YouTube channel. Barb doesn't always talk about carnivore while she krochets: what she creates is a safe corner for us carnivores that need a space to hang out together. A lot of her viewers are carnivores and I have gotten to know them too. Some of her viewers aren't carnivore either but they end up being curious. Barb and Issy Watson, have made me feel confident in vlogging. I'll talk about Issy Watson further into the blog. 

This has been an absolute roller coaster. 

**The last one, got to show off my little man making me a plate of beef.** 

Overall Goals: 

  • Stopping the diet pop or less. 
  • Keep a job. 
  • Go to Meatstock_USA 
  • Find a church, I've been to church lately. It was so special that I wanted to do that this year. 
  • Wear my headphones less.
  • Meet up with my fellow carnivores. 
  • Gain more like minded friends.
  • Eventually do more interviews for carnivore.
  • Then interview other carnivores on my YT channel.